Dear Jack
by June Barley
Summary: Ennis is trying to get by, now that Jack is gone...but when Alma Jr. brings a letter for Ennis, could this change it all?
1. Chapter 1

Ennis stood on the mountain, his thoughts lost as he pondered his next move, there were two options, live or die. No. Scratch that. He was already dead on the inside, the option was to kill his physical body or let it wander the earth like a zombie.

_"Jack…._" thought Ennis closing his eyes and keeping the tears in. "_you are something of an ass…leaving me here alone, you were the last person who I could go to." _

"FUCKIN JACK TWIST IS TOO GOOD FOR US GOD DAMN LIVIN PEOPLE! WHAT? I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO STICK AROUND LONGER?" Ennis screamed loudly, his thoughts now echoing throughout Brokeback mountain. Ennis grabbed the hat on his head threw it on the ground. He shut his eyes real tight and pressed his hands to them, pushing the tears in, while letting out sighs of grief. His shoulders shook, and he slowly found himself gasping in sobs, not letting himself cry.

"Jack….Jack….Jack…." he whispered into the air, a certain pleading tone caught in there that he didn't want to let out, just in case Jack could hear him. Being vulnerable was not something that Ennis didn't like, whether he was alone or in a crowd, keeping to himself was a skill and a necessity.

Unless he was with Jack.

Jack was the only person he cried in front of, the only person who he would take down all his walls, bear his soul. However, he didn't even want Jack to know how much he needed him, especially since now it was impossible.

Ennis came back from his thoughts, collecting himself, and shrugging off the rest of the grief. He walked over to his hat, picked it up, dusted it off, and placed it back on his head. He got up on his horse, and rode away.

Ennis woke the next morning, the sun peeking through the window in his little house, waking him. He looked over at his clock, it read 8:20 a.m.

"Shit." he whispered, he had planned to wake up and start fixing up the house, it was his day off, and he had saved up enough money to get supplies. However, lying there he didn't want to do anything, so he stared at the ceiling. Suddenly, he heard a rickety car seemingly in the distance, he threw the covers off of himself, ran to the window.

"Jack?"

As the rickety green truck passed by his house, he kicked himself. This wasn't the first time he had jumped at the sound of a run-down vehicle, and every time he realized it wasn't Jack, it could never be Jack, the hole in his heart got bigger.

He walked over to his closet, opened the door, like he always did after such events. At first he didn't dare look to his right, he couldn't look at it at first, it was another reminder of his absence. After dressing, just as he was about to close the door, he opened it wide again, and stared at the jacket, tucked under his shirt. He took the hanger off the hook, and walked over to his bed and sat down. He slowly took his shirt from around the jacket, and sat there, clutching Jack's jacket, bloodied sleeve and all.

"Jack…" he found himself calling in a whisper.

Without knowing why, for the first time, he took the jacket off of the hanger, and found himself slipping his arms into the sleeves. As he gave it a little whip to get it nicely fitted on his body, even though it was a little too small for him. Ennis closed his eyes, he didn't, he _couldn't_ think of anything besides Jack.

"You son of a bitch…" he said with tears stinging his eyes.

Suddenly, Ennis let out a small gasp, keeping his eyes closed, his head now tilted towards the ceiling. Jack's faint scent on the jacket was stronger than it had been a few moment ago… and then…Ennis felt him…he felt Jack…his arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace. Ennis didn't dare open his eyes, he sat there, letting himself believe that Jack was hugging him, was holding him close. Ennis could almost hear Jack whispering in his ear "It's alright….It's alright….It's alright…" Ennis couldn't hold it in anymore, with his eyes still shut, he started to cry.

"It's so damn hard, Jack, it's so damn hard! I can't hardly stand it anymore! I miss you Jack! You son of a bitch!" Ennis cried out in breathes as he cried. "It's cause of you I am like this you know, it's always been because of you…you, Jack Fucking Twist…because of you that I can't be happy alone, can't be happy without you being next to me, no matter what my mind is on you, and I can't hardly stand it no more!"

Ennis stopped talking and just cried all the while, still feeling Jack holding him, smelling Jack's scent as if he were nuzzled right up against him, and hearing him still say "It's alright…"

"It's not alright Jack…it's not alright…" Ennis whispered, now placing his head in his hands, still crying.

_BANG!_

Ennis opened his eyes startled from the loud bang, and just as quickly as he came, Jack left. Ennis got up and looked out his window, to see Junior parking Kurt's car in his driveway. Ennis quick took off the jacket, placed it and the shirt back on the hanger, and hung it back up.

Three knocks came at his door, and he quick spun around, tried to dry his face on his sleeve and answered it.

"Hey, daddy" said Alma Junior smiling up at her father. Ennis smiled down at his twenty-one year old daughter. Then he noticed she looked different, and he stared at her bulging stomach. His smile faded as he looked back at his daughter's eyes, who giggled in happiness.

"Well, come in come in, sit down!" Ennis said leading Junior into the house and grabbing her a chair. Junior laughed, and politely took a seat. Ennis went to the fridge, pulled out the whiskey bottle, poured himself and started to pour Alma one too, but she stopped him.

"Daddy, didn't ya know that drinking can hurt the baby?" Ennis looked over at his daughter with a questioning look on his face.

"Really now?"

"Yes, I read it in a study in a magazine." Alma Jr. said with a certain hint of pride in her voice. Ennis sighed and grabbed her a glass of water. "Water ok for the baby?" Ennis asked mockingly as he offered her the glass, and Alma smiled at him, and took the glass from his hands.

Ennis sat down, and raised his glass, "To my baby girl's baby!" Their glasses clinked together, Ennis swallowed his shot in one gulp, as Junior took a sip of her water. Ennis leaned back in his chair.

"How far along are ya?" Ennis said gesturing to her stomach with the empty whiskey shot in his hand.

"Six months." Alma Junior said placing a hand over her stomach, smiling down at her little miracle. "Kurt was real happy when he found out" she said looking back at her Father who seemed to be in a trance staring at her stomach.

"Daddy?"

Ennis blinked a few times and looked up at her, "Sorry baby girl, I was just thinking of what it was like when your momma found out she was going to have you." Ennis smiled as he dazed off again…

_"Ennis." said Alma a shaken smile on her face. Ennis got up and walked over to his wife, holding onto her shoulders, since she looked like she was about to collapse. _

_"Ennis." Alma said again looking into his eyes, this time he could see something there…happiness…pure happiness. "I'm pregnant." she stated. Ennis remembered taking a step back, and sitting down himself, then he started crying._

_"I'm going to be a dad…" Ennis said, an apparently wide smile on his face could be seen through the tears of happiness._

Alma Junior sat there and patted her dad on his knee, "_You_ cried?"

Ennis nodded, feeling tears stinging at the back of his eyes, "The day you were born, I cried harder, when you looked up at me I said to you 'Hey there Junior…I'm going to be your daddy.' and you just looked up at me, like you understood me." Ennis took his daughter's hand off his knee and clutched it between his two hands. He noticed how they weren't the same little ones from twenty-one years ago. He pressed her hand, in his, against his lips and gave it a little kiss, and tears started coming down his face.

"I'm so happy for you, Junior, so happy" Ennis said sincerely.

Junior got up as her Father let go of her hands, and hugged him. "Thanks daddy" she was also shedding a few tears. After holding onto the moment for a little, Ennis sniffed, and Alma let go.

Ennis coughed, and as they sat a little in silence, Alma Jr. broke the silence.

"This…this isn't the only reason I came up here dad…" she looked down at her hands, and was fiddling with them. Ennis watched her intently as she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out an envelope. Alma Jr. looked between her dad and the letter for a couple minutes, not handing it over.

"Dad…" she started but every time she would close up again and look back down at the letter in her hand. Ennis sighed, "Come on Alma, spit it out, what have you got there?" Alma looked up at him, then at the floor as she handed the envelope over to him. He stared at her with a look of confusion, then looked down at the envelope. His eyes were staring in disbelief as he looked at his name scribbled across the front of it, in an all too familiar style.

Ennis looked up at his daughter in shock and confusion. "What…what are you meaning by giving me this…when…where did you get this?" Ennis asked his daughter in pleading tone. Junior looked her father in his eyes, her own getting a little wet.

"One day, after your fishing trip, you left your clothing bag out, and well, I-I wanted to surprise you and wash your clothes, you remember that I washed them… and, well that there note…well it was in your shirt, I took it out, meaning to give it to ya, but…" Junior stopped stared down at her feet. Ennis kept staring at her, intensely.

"But what, Junior?"

"I-I was six daddy, and I thought it would be funny to hide it…"

Ennis found himself getting mad at his daughter, he clenched his teeth together to hold it back.

"I-I didn't mean for it to be so long to give it to you, I really did plan to give it to you later, but it got lost somehow, I thought I put it in my special box…but…well I had put it in with the baby clothes…and I didn't find them until momma brought them up to me to use." Her eyes now wet, and when she blinked a tear rolled its way down her cheek. She stared at her feet, her shoulders shaking from holding in the cry.

Ennis put his head in his hands, clenching his fists and teeth, letting out little angry grunts.

"I'm so sorry daddy…I'm so sorry" Junior said her voice shaken, and tears now falling repeatedly from her eyes. Ennis stared at his daughter, who was continuing to look at the floor. Ennis took one look out the window, glaring out into the sun, letting his thoughts drift away. Ennis let out a sigh, stood up, placed the note on the windowsill, and hugged his daughter close.

"It's alright baby girl…it's alright…" Ennis said in a soothing tone, as he stroked her hair. "It's alright…"

Alma Jr. looked up at her father, puffy red eyed, and looked hopelessly at him. "Daddy? you aren't mad?"

"No, I _am_ rather upset…this is from Jack..." Ennis had to swallow the lump in his throat. "My fishing buddy…"

***Hey so this is my real first fan-fiction so please give me reviews and constructive critcism is always welcome ^_^ Try to get the rest up ASAP***


	2. Chapter 2

Alma looked at her father, shocked. "The one who passed?" Ennis had to swallow another lump in his throat as he looked away and nodded.

Alma shook her head in disbelief, "Daddy, I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry daddy…" Ennis just nodded and accepted her apology, he didn't want to linger on the subject. "It's alright Junior, like you said you were young, I can't hold that against ya, plus you came all this way to bring it to me now, so…so it's ok." He gave her a reassuring smile, and she nodded to him, but knew he was just being tough. Junior glanced at her feet quickly, as her father slid around back into his seat.

"So you have any names for the baby? boy or girl?" Ennis asked, eager to forget the conversation and keep his mind off of the note now settled on the windowsill, which was proving to be more difficult by the second.

Junior seemed to spark at this, and her eyes shone with more happiness, seeming to forget the previous conversation.

"Well…if it a girl we were thinking maybe Scarlett, Belle, Daisy, or Jennie…I like Jennie the best" Junior said with a smile. Ennis smiled too, happy that his two girls grew up being so close to one another, that they could lean on each other, especially with things that had happened between him and Alma throughout the years. "I like Jennie too." Ennis said.

"If it's a boy?"

Junior got quiet, looked down at her stomach, stroking it, and smiled a little. "Well, we already know what we would call it if it was a boy, we both decided it was the best name for our little boy, if that's what we are having of course." Junior smiled at her father, patted him on his knee, and proceeded to get up out of her chair.

"Well, I just wanted to come by quick and tell you, I actually have to get back, Kurt and I are going trying to finish up the nursery, I still gotta paint it." Ennis was curious about the little boy's name, but he decided against it, and helped her put on her coat and made sure she got into her car.

"Are you sure you should be drivin darlin? Can you even see the pedals?" asked Ennis with a mix of joking and real worry mixed in.

Junior nodded, "It's alright, Daddy, I'll be fine, don't worry!"

"Alright, bye darlin." Ennis said giving his daughter a kiss on the cheek through the car window. "Bye daddy, I love you" Ennis smiled and nodded. Ennis stood in his dirt driveway till Alma Jr.'s car was out of sight, then he turned around and headed into his house. As soon as he got inside he rushed to the windowsill and picked up the note, and stared at it for a while longer.

_Ennis Del Mar_ was scribbled there, in Jack's handwriting….Jack's handwriting. Ennis felt a surge of hope as he looked at the letter, as if Jack himself had just written it recently and mailed it to him, telling him he wasn't dead, that he was hiding out somewhere and waiting for him. Ennis smiled, he held the closed envelope in his hands and pressed it to his lips.

"Jack…" he whispered into it, smiling, tears forming behind his closed eyes.

Ennis then opened his eyes, looked down at the envelope, turned it over, and was about to break the seal, when all of a sudden it hit him. This wasn't from a Jack, alive and well, this was from a Jack, who now lives six feet under. Junior told him it was **YEARS** ago she'd taken the letter. Jack wasn't alive, he wasn't sending him mail from some far off place, he wasn't at home with his wife and kids, not out at work or his folk's place…he wasn't at Brokeback Mountain… he wasn't there. Ennis then got a shocked look on his face, Jack wasn't here anymore….he wasn't _anywhere_ anymore…

"Jack…" Ennis gripped the unopened envelope in his hands, frustrated with himself about getting his hopes up, once again. Ennis sat down on his bed, staring down at the slightly torn seal on the envelope. Ennis flipped it back to the side where his name was scribbled on the front. Ennis flipped the letter around in his hand for a while, debating on whether to break the seal on the envelope or not. Everytime he was about to he realized, this is all he had left, all that was left of Jack, the last letter he never opened. Ennis feared that if he opened the letter Jack would really be gone. More than he already was. Ennis decided that he wouldn't open the letter, that he would hold onto this piece of Jack, help him live on, in a sense. Ennis walked over to his drawers, opened one, and pulled out a tack, and opened his closet once again. Ennis tacked the envelope to the door of his closet, straightened it out, running his thumb along the front where his name was scribbled.

For the next few days, whenever Ennis was home he was either staring at the letter, or staring at his closet while he ate his dinner. While he worked he found he could forget that it even existed, and focus his mind on his work, but as soon as he was left without anything to focus on the thought of the letter popped right back into his mind. The letter and its unknown contents haunted Ennis, the words that Jack had written down for him, for his eyes to see, were going unseen by those very eyes. However, every time Ennis thought it would be ok to open the letter, his thoughts of losing his last trace of Jack makes him take his hand away, and he tacks it back onto the closet door.

One night, after Ennis comes back from work around 11:30 p.m. he drops into the closest chair, placing his elbow on the windowsill and rubbing away the headache of the day. Ennis stops rubbing his forehead and looks outside his window, staring into the darkness of the night.

"Shit." Ennis says as he rubs his drooping eyes.

"Bed." he commands of himself, getting up and going over to the closet, taking off his clothes, and just throwing on a pair of pajama pants. He is about to close the door, when he looks over at the jacket hung up, and traces his fingers along the bloody sleeves. He smiles to himself when he remembers the look on Jack's face as he mentioned leaving his shirt behind. Ennis didn't think much of it then, but once he found it up in Jack's room he immediately realized what that look of shock and confusion meant. Ennis, before even thinking about it, took his shirt off the hanger, folding it nicely and placing it inside his closet, then grabbing the jacket off of the hook and wrapping it across his bare torso. He gave it a little whip to fit it, as best he could, into place. It was still small, but it was comforting. He straightened out his postcard and unopened envelope, closed the closet door, and climbed into bed. Ennis was hoping for a similar experience as he did last time he put the jacket on, but nothing extraordinary happened. Still, with the faint scent still lingering on Jack's jacket, it was enough to give Ennis a little peace of mind as he slept. For the first time in weeks, Ennis' mind was free of the unopened envelope and the letter that laid inside.

Ennis woke the next morning, jacket still fitted around him.

"Good morning, Jack." Ennis whispered softly, before rising and getting dressed for the day. Ennis placed the jacket back on the hanger, along with is shirt, and he quickly ate some breakfast, eggs and bacon, and hurried off to work. In his car Ennis had his mind preoccupied with the work he had to get done that day.

"_Feed the cattle, make sure the barn's all cleaned up, and makin sure I don't get fired._" Ennis gave himself a small chuckle for his last thought. As he pulled up the driveway he saw his boss, and a few of the other men sitting there waiting for him_._Ennis was finding that his last comment was not so funny anymore. When he parked his car and got, his boss walked over to him, Ennis giving him a quick nod hello.

"Hey Ennis" said Mr. Brown walking over. William Brown is a big man, about 6 foot, who looks like he could lift a whole cow if he put his mind to it. His short brown hair, and thick mustache make his dark brown eyes seem almost black. However, he is a respected and hardworking man, who is firm and fair, and if liquored up a bit, a real funny and nice man.

"Howdy," Ennis tips his hat then looks at the fellas behind Mr. Brown, nodding his head towards them he asks, "What seems to be going on today Mr. Brown?"

Mr. Brown placed a hand on Ennis' shoulder, staring at him with a look of concern. "Ennis, you've been off these past couple of weeks, and we've been worried about you...You're acting just about as bad you did the week your friend died." Ennis looked at Mr. Brown, not really sure what he was trying to say.

"I get my work done right on time Mr. Brown, and I never stop movin till you tell me to." said Ennis, feeling defensive. Mr. Brown gives Ennis' shoulder a reassuring squeeze, "No, I know Ennis, I'm not sayin your work is slackin, you're as good as ever, but your spirits...well...they seem down...I'm worried ya might not come back to us Ennis if you don't take some time for yourself."

Ennis shook his head, "No sir, I will be fine, I need to keep working, I can't take any time off, I have bills to pay, and I-" Brown cut him off, by raising his hand. "I know Ennis, don't worry just three days off, and I promise that I will give you a little pay, so you don't fall behind on bills and the like." Ennis stood there, not really sure what to say, he was just about to punch Mr. Brown for thinking of cutting him down a couple hours of work. Mr. Brown smiled, gave a nod of his head, and Ennis' shoulder one more squeeze before he turned around. As he walked away Mr. Brown said, "Besides it has been about four years since you've gone fishing, might help you relax some if you did." Ennis didn't realize what was being implied until Mr. Brown turned his head half-way around and gave Ennis a quick smile.

"Well, Thank you sir." said Ennis, Will gave a slight wave, his back still turned to Ennis as he hurried the other men along back to their jobs. Ennis turned back to his car and climbed in, setting his course temporarily for home. When he got home he immediately went into his closet and grabbed Jack's jacket, postcard, and mysterious envelope, grabbed his camping bag, and thrust all of them inside. Then he stumbled around, and quickly grabbed a few articles of clothing, his toothbrush, a few pieces of paper and a pen, and the two whiskey bottles he had in his fridge, and shoved them into his bag. Racing out to the barn, he grabbed the reins of his horse, and he raced to his pickup, slammed the door, and started the car, driving away his destination clear in his mind.

Jack's voice, though angry came into his head, came up from the past, "What we got now is BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN! EVERYTHING'S BUILT ON THAT! THAT'S ALL WE GOT BOY! FUCKIN ALL!"

Ennis smiled a bit, he knew Jack was mad, but in that moment, that last few moments with Jack, Brokeback was all he needed, and he knew...that's what he needed now.

***Sorry that you are all waiting for the letter, hopefully soon I will have it be read, but until then I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Reviews are very helpful, so please and thank you! I will try to get Chapter Three up as soon as possible!***


End file.
